Traditional models of bullying tend to be black and white, placing all the blame on the bully and viewing the target as innocent victim. Sometimes this model holds true e.g. the target is the only African-American is a predominantly Caucasian school, or he is the only boy to come out as gay on a traditional school campus. In these situations it would be outrageous to blame the target.
However, the feedback we get from the students on our Solution Teams is complex. Some targets of bullying court negative attention and even engage in bullying others. In many cases, both targets and bullies have social skill deficits that drive their peers to distraction.
If you take the time to respond to bullying in your school, you will inevitably surface gaps in the social and emotional development of some (not all) of the students involved. In our No Bully Solution Team and Coach workshops we train educators how to track for six key skill sets.
Self-Awareness and Self-Management Skills. Students who frequently bully others tend to have trouble managing anger and to strike out aggressively. Hyperactivity and emotional outbursts are the two factors most likely to annoy and provoke peers to bully.
Social Awareness. Students often lack empathy for the victims of bullying, especially those that they view being different from the social ideal or norm.
Relationship Skills. Targets of bullying often have fewer friends, or only friends who are also victimized, and tend to have more enemies than non-victimized children. Many are socially withdrawn and lack confidence and skills in effectively interacting with peers. High-quality friendships, or at least one best friend, can help prevent children from being a victim.
Resilience to resist social pressure to participate in bullying. Bystanders don’t intervene to help targets for many reasons e.g. fear of the social or physical power of those doing the bullying, reluctance to challenge group norms, lack of skill in effective intervention. When bystanders do assert their disapproval of a bullying act, the episode usually ends quickly-in about half the cases in fewer than 10 seconds.
Knowing when to get help from peers or other adults. Targets and bystanders typically do not seek help from peers or adults when they are unable to solve the problem on their own. Self-identified victims are particularly likely to blame themselves for their victimization and to suffer in silence. This ties into the next skillset.
Responsible Decision Making. Students who frequently bully tend to misinterpret social interactions as being more hostile, adversarial, or provocative than their peers. Bullying students tend to hold more supportive beliefs about using violence and are less confident about using nonviolent strategies to resolve conflict. Targets also lack effective social problem-solving skills. Problem-solving strategies are 13 times more effective at de-escalating conflicts than are the aggressive, retaliatory, or emotionally reactive responses most frequently used by targeted children. Even among targets who use a problem solving strategy, the vast majority employ a passive strategy, such as avoiding, acquiescing to, or ignoring the bully, instead of a more effective assertive strategy, such as talking with others to find a solution or asking others for help
Research findings for this article were derived from CASEL, a national non-profit that works tirelessly to promote social and emotional learning in our schools.
