Four students took their lives in September because of anti-gay bullying: Seth Walsh, a 13 year-old in Tehachapi, CA: 15 year-old Billy Lucas of Greensburg, IN; 13 year-old Asher Brown of Houston, TX; and Tyler Clementi, a teen freshman at Rutgers University, threw himself off the George Washington bridge .
Some will discount this spate of suicides as a gay issue. But according to a Seattle-based survey, 80% of students subjected to anti-gay taunts describe themselves as straight. David Truong, Asher Brown’s stepfather, speaks a truth that many will recognize. “For some reason, he stood out and people were just cruel. Kids were cruel to my kid. He was very different. He’s not the type of kid that would try to wear the newest clothes or try to do the coolest thing. He was an individual.” It’s chilling to read Asher’s memorial Facebook page.
School bullying co-opts mainstream prejudices and uses these to enforce conformity and to marginalize those who dare to be different. Gay calling not only reinforces societal homophobia. It also enforces stereotypical gender roles. Boys and girls who do not fit gender expectations are often targeted most viciously and frequently. For girls, being feminine typically means being attractive, and being attractive means being slender, fashionable, delicate and not a tom-boy. For boys, being masculine – and therefore not gay – often means being athletic, tough, and heterosexually active, requiring a preoccupation with sports, violence, and the sexual conquest of girls.
The adolescent’s concern about gender norms manifests in their concern to prove that they are heterosexual. In early adolescence, gender nonconforming behavior is taken as a sign of sexual orientation. Being uninterested in or unable to meet gender expectations means having not only their sexuality scrutinized and questioned, but their gender as well.
Gay and sissy calling are widespread. In 2002, the National Mental Health Association conducted a random survey of harassment based on actual or perceived sexual orientation. 78% percent reported that students who are perceived to be gay or lesbian are teased or bullied. 51% reported hearing every day names like fag, homo, and dyke, queer or gay.
There is considerable distress in all students who are targeted for their sexual orientation, whether they are in fact straight, lesbian or gay. Four students killed themselves last month because it became just too intolerable. Many thousands more struggle on hating schools and ultimately hating themselves.
October 15, 2010 at 3:00 pm |
As a grieving parent, I know the horrible heartache of bullycide. I know the looks. I know the stares. I know the whispers. I know the pain. I know people wonder how something like this could happen in their community, in their school. I know I wonder how something like that could have happened in my family, to my son. As a matter of fact, I still wonder, as I grieve my son’s death two years after his bullycide. My 17 year old son Michael Joseph Berry was the victim of bullycide on his 17th birthday, September 15, 2008 at Mira Loma High School. He shot himself after being tormented for 27 days. He was a virgin, and one of Michael’s peers in his 4th period class proceeded to text, email, talk, and announced to the world at large that Michael was gay.
National Bullying Prevention month is October, and in honor of my son I have started a letter writing campaign on behalf of my organization B.R.A.V.E. ™ ~Bullies Really Are Violating Everyone! in order to bring awareness to the ever growing national issue of bullycide. The climate of bullying has changed to the point that it is causing real damage, and ultimately the people who bully must face the consequences of their actions.
Bullycide is a death that leaves many victims in its wake. Families are left heartbroken, destroyed, with no place to turn, and very few bullycide resources at their disposal. In many cases the schools blame the victim, and the police refuse to get involved because no laws have been broken. I realize part of the problem in prosecuting bullying is due to the fact that the perpetrators are in fact children themselves.
However, it is my opinion that we must hold not only the children accountable, but the professional’s accountable for the behavior that is tolerated at their school. Additionally, when we say we have a zero tolerance for bullying we must mandate and enforce that zero tolerance – even if it’s uncomfortable.
Our national bullying problem is further compounded by the failure to have any type of national law that holds the schools responsible for the behavior of the children in there care, even state laws widely differ on how best to protect our children while at school. We are working to change and update the California State Anti-Bullying Law, which was last updated in 2003, where it was a D prior to the 2003 update.
Currently, our law is ranked a B by the watch dog organization Bully Police. If we are to see a change in law then we must first do something other than talk about it. We must realize it is more rampant than anyone knows, and we must toss out our preconceived ideas of what bullying means and deal with it today – as it is because the lives of our children depend on us to ACT, and act swiftly. There’s so much that needs to be done on behalf of the children who suffer at the hands of bullies.
We need as a society to do more than just play lip service to the very real pain that is associated with bullying. Each victim of bullycide is a child that was left to flounder, a child that felt no one understood, a child that felt betrayed by the very people who were charged with their wellbeing. Parents of the victims and the perpetrators both expect the schools to do something, and yet we as a society do nothing.
I urge you to stand with us as we come together in the quest of valor, committed to courage in defense of a noble cause. I hope you will stand with us as we stomp out bullycide. I stumbled across your site the other day as I was researching additional resources, and truly felt compelled to include you in my campaign. Thank you for taking the time to hear me out.
Peace and prayers,
Lisa Ford-Berry
B.R.A.V.E. ~ Bullies Really Are Violating Everyone!
Lisafordberry@BRAVEsociety.org
http://Conversationalpackrat.com